I can
do
whatever
I
want
here

Last December I opened a fresh notebook and started with this entry. It is kind of my current thesis statement for having a website, being on the internet, trying to make stuff, etc. I haven’t followed through with these ideas so far, but I feel like putting it up on the website is a start.

(A text transcription follows the notebook scan images.)

---

I can
do
whatever
I
want
here

[sketch¹ - self-portrait of sorts, though no beard]

---

I should probably remember or remind myself that I met Gin² because I wrote a blog about random stuff I was interested in

I’ve been so jaded but creating and sharing stuff on the internet is maybe probably still a worthwhile endeavor

notice I didn’t say “social media”
but I kind of mean social media but also not
media that can be social?
media that can build connection, understanding, community?
isn’t that all good media? digital or analog? art? do I mean art?

---

I think maybe what I really mean
by all of this
is
art?

Going to let that sit here and see how it feels in the coming days

creating things and sharing things

to

express myself
have fun / play around with
words
ink
pixels
code
images
video
sounds
connect with other people
make and do interesting things
learn stuff
make the world better somehow? (too much to ask)
“generalist”

art basically
or being human
in a good way
“the humanities”

[it is well]
[the evening and the morning
were the first day]
[light] [salt]
[life] [death]
[growth] [decay]
[seeds] [trees]
[air] [breath] [vacuum]
[nebula] [supernova]
[creation through destruction]³⁴

2023-12-17 after 11:30pm

---

Notes

---

1. Never in my life since probably kindergarten have I drawn or sketched anything that I didn’t absolutely have to (like for a math assignment or a game or something) - I decided early on that drawing or any visual “art” wasn’t my thing, wasn’t in my skillset, wasn’t for me to attempt to do. But in this notebook and in my 40s I’ve decided I can let myself try to occasionally sketch things, that there is nothing to lose and nothing to prove, that I don’t care about sharing it and I’m actually kind of happy about it. ↩︎

2. Gin is my spouse of almost 16 years now. In 2007 I wrote a post on my random blog about going to an art exhibit. Gin was searching for information about paintings in that exhibit and my blog post came up in her search results; she started commenting on my blog and blogstalking me. We got married in 2008. ↩︎

3. I guess my brain still sometimes thinks in scripture and poetry when I let it ↩︎

4. Markdown might be a problem for trying to space out poems and word collections like I want to - maybe there is a way to do it in Markdown like a typewriter and respect the manual spacing? Need to research this, but not before getting this posted so I don’t lose my nerves. ↩︎