changes

Even exploring all these kind-of obscure shoegaze and dream pop bands I knew it was always going to end up with me listening to Smashing Pumpkins. A lot.

Past Log Updates

DATE : 2025-01-04

Apple Music’s hype blurb is making me feel better about liking this album so much, apparently as much as a 44-year-old as I did as a 14-year-old. I suspect it is working along the lines of those narratives printed on the back of potato chip bags, though. This isn’t just junk food, it is part of a rich, generations old artisanal tradition. The taste is utterly unique and each crunchy bite is so satisfying and what life is really about. So don’t hold back; enjoy every morsel; feel no shame for eating this whole bag of corn puffs or Famous Amos cookies or whatever…feel no shame for listening to these ridiculous guitar solos over and over again.

“Twenty-five seconds. That’s precisely how long it took for the members of The Smashing Pumpkins to transform themselves from promising alt-rock underdogs into certified Gen-X icons—a metamorphosis that can be plotted in the amount of time it takes Siamese Dream’s atomic lead track, “Cherub Rock,” to achieve liftoff. From its opening militaristic drumroll, the song builds and intensifies like an army being mobilized, one member at a time. Then comes a fireball of a guitar riff that doubles as a declaration of war: Against the cynical scenesters who doubted the Pumpkins’ indie credentials; against the underground’s rigid aesthetic orthodoxies; against anyone who dared to write off their generation as navel-gazing nihilists.

“On first listen, 1993’s Siamese Dream feels like a quintessential Clinton-era alt-rock artifact: Billy Corgan and James Iha’s smeared, swirling guitar noises on tracks like “Cherub Rock” and “Rocket” hit the sweet spot between Nirvana’s gritty riffage and My Bloody Valentine’s sensory-overloading splendor. And the ready-made anthem “Today” dresses up prevailing themes of self-loathing in an ironically sunny sing-along wrapped in a candy-coated fuzz; it’s a song that makes bitter sentiments like “I’ll burn my eyes out!” seem almost sweet. But Siamese Dream’s heart truly belongs to the gatefold-album epics of the mid-1970s, when groups like Led Zeppelin, Queen, and Pink Floyd were elevating rock ’n’ roll into the realm of transcendental, quasi-religious experiences (and bitchin’ planetarium laser shows). As the mosh pits of America raged, the Pumpkins were taking a stage-dive into the stratosphere.

“None of the band’s Lollapalooza-era peers were attempting the sort of multi-tracked guitar-architecture that thrusts the grunge-gaze groover “Hummer” through its heady peaks and immaculate comedown. And even in the age of peak MTV Unplugged, no other alt-rock outfit was crafting acoustic ballads as cinematic and dramatic as the string-swept “Disarm.” True to its title, Siamese Dream brokers a harmonious coexistence between the Pumpkins’ muscular and melodic extremes, as best exemplified by the totemic mid-album double shot of “Geek U.S.A.” and “Mayonnaise”: The former is a furious blast of pure psych-metal savagery, the latter a slow-motion, hazy-headed lullaby that’s become one of the most beloved album cuts in the Pumpkins’ canon. At a time when fellow alterna-nation deities like Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder were exhibiting allergic reactions to their newfound celebrity, Corgan gamely stepped up to fill the void—as both an unapologetic rock star with stadium-sized ambitions, and as an open-hearted empath eager to cultivate a profound emotional connection with his fans.”
– Apple Music Blurb Writer

DATE : 2025-01-02

Listening to Siamese Dream (old scratched CD from the 90s) - I’m so happy it is actually playing though without really skipping in my newer car’s CD player. I will probably listen to it a bunch of times. It’s been playing over in my head for weeks now if I’m honest. Sad to say, or at least uncool and unrighteous to admit to, but true.

Resources

Standalone post link: Listening Log: Siamese Dream

I don’t have much of note to say about this. It was a side quest from my Still in a Dream shoegaze/dreampop/4AD listening project and I’ve been stuck on it since, listening to it in various iterations. I know, I know, this isn’t remotely shoegaze or dream pop but it is from the same time period and was mentioned throughout the liner notes and I just wanted to listen to it again, and I get to do what I want with this project.

I guess I do need to say that the best version I found is the 20th Anniversary Collector’s Edition - 40-track version (song.link doesn’t seem to work well for this edition so here are direct Apple Music and Spotify links), which has the original British tracklist on “Disc 1” (not with “Elephant Stone” or a shortened “Fool’s Gold” like the US edition), then moves to “Disc 2,” which, yes, has the full versions of “Elephant Stone,” “Fool’s Gold,” and all the other singles and b-sides from the era, and finally, “Disc 3,” which has a bunch of demos of the songs that are fun.

Made a brief attempt at finding a physical copy of this edition to buy, but instead I just downloaded it from some classic blogger-era file-sharing music blog that miraculously still exists with live download links in 2025. I’ve missed those; want to write a whole post about them, find ones that I loved again in case they are still active. Maybe even want to start one myself.

Past Log Updates

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Resources

Standalone post link: Listening Log: The Stone Roses

No complaints, but I am trying to parse out why these 15 new tracks are considered a deluxe release of an old album instead of just a new album of their own. Is it just part of the streaming game, to get people to listen to the old album along with the new stuff? (If so, it worked for me.) Is it because they didn’t feel like it had the singles to match SOS? (But the new tracks are all uniformly solid, just like SOS, there just aren’t as many features, maybe, and no gimmicky crossover pop moves like that crass countrypoppunk track on SOS which I generally skip.)

And supposedly there’s an expanded deluxe with 8 more tracks beyond this coming on Monday supposedly? 46 tracks? (Edit - as of 2025-01-26 that hasn’t happened.) And its not the 20th anniversary or anything, she’s not dead yet, this is how it is done now, and it seems to be working. It’s similar to what Taylor did with Tortured Poets and Midnights, all the versions of Brat, releasing double-sized deluxe versions sometimes almost simultaneously with the first release. I guess it is a way to have it all - the tighter brevity of a single album along with the sprawl of a double (not that the original SOS or Tortured Poets Society were tight or brief by any means), plus peoples' listening tendency to just keep streaming through all the tracks. It works, I guess. And I shouldn’t complain. I wish more artists would release more of their music, actually. I’d be absolutely thrilled if Fousheé released a deluxe edition of Pointy Heights with 10 more tracks, for example.

I love the music and production work, her voice and delivery are phenomenal, the lyrics are so clever, but, if I’m honest, all the explicit sex talk and yucky relationship drama in this and in lot of pop music still just makes me feel gross sometimes. Even after rejecting the church pressure and God guilt about this type of thing that I grew up with, perhaps after all I’m still maybe just a prude…It is useful when I get to this place to remind myself that I don’t know how much of that content is fantasy and hyperbole and fictional repetition/variation for dramatic and storytelling effect, versus actual confessional/autobiography, and that is not really my business. Thinking of my kids listening to this, though, and I’m just not sure about it…Will they take it as just how things are or should be with sex and relationships? Something to aspire to? Cautionary tales? I don’t know. And I don’t know how to guide them in these things in a healthy way myself, without the rigid “safety” of the church dictates that I used to believe in to point to…

Past Log Updates

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Resources

Standalone post link: Listening Log: LANA SOS DELUXE

After not being able to resist repeat listens of their self-titled debut and all the related singles from the time, this was indeed a letdown.

Songwriting is corny, the guitars are great, the grooves are alright but kind of corny, too…honestly kind of makes me wish I was listening to Red Hot Chili Peppers, or Actung Baby, or The Rolling Stones, or, as referenced above, their own first album and singles.

“Your Star Will Shine” is pretty good, though.

Okay, “Begging You” is solid and interesting.

Does this album bare any resemblance to Guns n’ Roses? Anything beyond the same time period, the presence of guitar solos, and that both band names have ‘Roses’ in them? I’ve never actually listened to Guns n' Roses knowingly…but maybe I should?

Past Log Updates

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Resources

Standalone post link: Listening Log: Second Coming

This was so real to me as a 14 year old, and a little bit scary. First Smashing Pumpkins album I purchased. And I still like listening to it now, I guess.

Past Log Updates

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Resources

Standalone post link: Listening Log: Siamese Dream

Been listening through this comp¹, but also using it as a jumping off point to explore more by some of these artists and also just an excuse or occasion to listen a lot of other 80s and 90s rock I loved or always wanted to listen to but didn’t have access back at the time.

A listening project, but casual, wide ranging, inclusive, and maybe with no end until I get distracted by something else. Just allowing myself to listen to what I want, and right now what I want is a lot of late 80s and early 90s noisy rock. So far I’ve also listened to a bunch of My Bloody Valentine, A.R. Kane, finally tried some Cocteau Twins, The Stone Roses (don’t start; I know they are not ‘shoegaze’ at all but they are mentioned in these liner notes as a key group of the period which made me want to listen to them again and I have also always wanted to explore Manchester music more and so I am doing that as well with this project, therefore finally listened to The Verve’s first album A Storm in Heaven which I’ve wanted to hear since I was probably 15 years old or something like that - it would have been one of my favorites if I had back then), &c. Also had this unrealistic idea at some point to listen to “everything” released by 4AD because many of my favorite 21st century artists are associated with the label and I understood it to have a storied history, so this comp and project is scratching that itch as well. A lot more things queued up to check out that I will hopefully log on this site as I get to them.

And of course it was also going to lead me to listening to Smashing Pumpkins a whole bunch, but that’s for other posts…maybe Sonic Youth, maybe my more recent 4AD favorites in this vein Deerhunter and TV on the Radio…

Past Log Updates

DATE : 2024-12-16 (Backdated)

I also posted this in my reading log as ‘currently reading’

Reading Log: Still in a Dream - A Story of Shoegaze 1988-1995

This is more listening than reading, but it is formatted as an actual book with probably 40+ pages of liner notes and essays to go along with 5 compilation discs to listen to. Since I did sit down and read it like a book, I’m listing it as reading as well. I’m not marking it as completed yet because I haven’t finished listening to all of the songs, nor my various side quest deep dives into individual albums and artists associated with this compilation and era.

I happened upon this in the Salt Lake City Public Library catalog while I was searching for something else, and I’m so glad I did get the physical copy. Having all the essays and band biographies there at hand was so helpful, and I think this is much more thorough than some random “Shoegaze and Dream Pop” playlist one could get from the streaming platforms. Also, though this comp is offered on the streaming platforms, the physical version is much more generous, with more than double the tracks of the streaming version, including many from the most notable artists. No My Bloody Valentine though. (It’s okay, I already have their stuff.)

Resources

Standalone post link: Listening Log: Still in a Dream

I volunteered to be a reader for the poetry committee for the Beehive Book Awards. With their 2026 shortlist meeting deadline looming I finally got to reading as many of the titles as I could this weekend.

Bonus, this deadline forced me out of my reading paralysis–I hadn’t been able to commit to a book to be my first for 2025. This freed me to just read 22 different small books instead, no pressure.

I don’t want to share all my notes and ratings and not sure if I should, anyway, but below is the full list of the books I read in the past two days from the longlist (which I’m also not sure I should share in full.) I’ve bolded the titles that were my personal favorites, and included their covers in the .gif associated with this log entry.

(I’d already read and favorited some others from the longlist last year, such as–Poetry Comics, Louder Than Hunger, And Then, Boom!, Kin: Rooted in Hope.)

Read on 2025-01-18

• Home, poems and illustrations by Isabelle Simler, translated by Vineet Lal
• Welcome to the Wonder House, poems by Rebecca Kai Dotlich and Georgia Heard, illustrations by Deborah Freedman
• The City Sings Green and Other Poems about Welcoming Wildlife, by Erica Silverman, illustrated by Ginnie Hsu
• The Mighty Pollinators, poems by Helen Frost, photographs by Rick Lieder
• Tree Whispers: a Forest of Poems by Mandy Ross, illustrated by Juliana Oakley
• The Museum of the Moon: The Curious Objects on the Lunar Surface, by Irene Latham, illustrated by Myriam Wares

Read on 2025-01-19

• Zilot & Other Important Rhymes by Bob Odenkirk with illustrations by Erin Odenkirk
• Aloha Everything by Kaylin Melia George, illustrated by Mae Waite
• Windsongs: Poems about Weather by Douglas Florian
• What You Need to Be Warm by Neil Gaiman, various illustrators
• Bless Our Pets: Poems of Gratitude for Our Animal Friends, various authors, illustrated by Lita Judge
• Eating my Words and 128 Other Poems by Brian P. Cleary, illustrated by Andy Rowland and Richard Watson
• Forward Always: Poems to be read aloud by Matthew Hodson
• We Who Produce Pearls: An Anthem for Asian America, by Joanna Ho, illustrated by Amanda Phingbodhipakkiya
• This Is a Tiny Fragile Snake, poems by Nicholas Ruddock, pictures by Ashley Barron
• T Is for Trails: A Hiking Alphabet by Judy Young, illustrated by Sharisse Steber
• Skating Wild on an Inland Sea by Jean E. Pendziwol, illustrated by Todd Stewart
• Pickle Words: Crunchy, Punchy Pickles and Poetry, by April Pulley Sayre, illustrated by Jialei Sun
• Haiku, Ew!: Celebrating the Disgusting Side of Nature by Lynn Brunelle, illustrated by Julia Patton
• Great Gusts: Winds of the World and the Science Behind Them, by Melanie Crowder and Megan Benedict, illustrated by Khoa Le
• Red Bird Danced by Dawn Quigley

I’m excited to see which titles the committee ultimately picks.

P.S. The GIF turned out a mess but I don’t really care I’m just going to go with it and get on with my life.

Standalone post link: Reading Log: A bunch of children's poetry books

This is one of those albums that opens several avenues of musical exploration, some entirely new to me (Ale Hop) and some I know and love but need to catch up with (Nyege Nyege Tapes, Soukous.)

Past Log Updates

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Standalone post link: Listening Log: Mapambazuko

(I built a playlist to finally try the original 3LP Vinyl edition tracklisting: Dawn - Tea Time - Dusk - Twilight - Midnight - Starlight)

It works, or at least it doesn’t make any less sense than the regular CD track order…and I didn’t have to spend $700 or whatever to try it. I think I could have bought this for $75 at some point but I didn’t have the money.

Here it is -

dawn

1. mellon collie and the infinite sadness
2. tonight, tonight
3. thirthy-three
4. in the arms of sleep
5. take me down

tea time

1. jellybelly
2. bodies
3. to forgive
4. here is no why
5. porcelina of the vast oceans

dusk

1. bullet with butterfly wings
2. thru the eyes of ruby
3. muzzle
4. galapogos
5. tales of a scorched earth

twilight

1. 1979
2. beautiful
3. cupid de locke
4. by starlight
5. we only come out at night

midnight

1. where boys fear to tread
2. zero
3. an ode to no one
4. love
5. x.y.u.

starlight

1. stumbleine
2. lily (my one and only)
3. tonite reprise ❋
4. farewell and goodnight
5. infinite sadness ❋

❋ vinyl only bonus tracks, sourced from The Aeroplane Flies High Deluxe Edition for purposes of my playlist.

Past Log Updates

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Standalone post link: Listening Log: MCATIS

This was a “personalized” suggestion for me from the Apple Music algorithm and it was a good one. I hate that a little bit, but glad to learn of this band.

Past Log Updates

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Resources

Standalone post link: Listening Log: Dust Inside a Dream